China

[lenozzedifigaro]

Yes, another China entry. I had it out with my M last night about how she's always down on China and always badmouthing me by saying she doesn't think it's a good fit, I can't do it, etc, etc, etc. I told her that I wouldn't stand to hear it anymore because China is MINE, it was my choice from the beginning. Even though I told some of my friends about it I still intended to apply despite their thoughts, when usually I ask people's opinions to figure out whether I want ot do it or not. That is what I mean. This whole thing has belonged to me, been something I have felt called to do regardless of what other people think. I told her that yes, it is a hard decision and I still haven't quite made up my mind, but if I keep listening to the things she says that and then make ym decision I will never know for certain whether I made the choice to go or not go on my own or because of what someone else said and that I WILL NOT spend the rest of my life wondering if I truly made the choice on my own or if I was doing what I've done the rest of my life and letting my parents influence me. And I apologized for being offenzive and antagonistic, but said that China was too important to me to fuck around with. And then she apologized to me. But I think maybe I got through to her and it felt good to tell her why their ranting was bothering me. It was good. I feel good. And I will keep telling her what needs to be told until she gets it for real. Because I am going to do what I have to do. And I have to go to China. I have to KNOW. I have to know. And it feels awesome to admit that to myself. I was called and I'm going to answer if it kills me. Selfish? A little. But the hundreds of students I'll meet in China won't think I'm selfish. I told my M that I loved her and D and that it would be very hard to leave them, and it will be. It will be hard to leave everyone. But I'll be back in six months. It's not like I plan on leaving for good, yo. I'll see you all again. I promise.

Comments

[sparklydeath.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU!!! I think you will have fun in China! I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!! *pouts*

[lizphiz.livejournal.com]

Psh. Selfish my ass. You need to do this, dude. GOOD FOR YOU!

[snowboardgirl7.livejournal.com]

And damn straight you should be selfish. It's your life, and no one else's.

[suzieq-44.livejournal.com]

I'm with Linds on this one. I've been fighting with my parents for somehting like 10 years now about what I want to do with my life. And I have never once let them tell me what they want me to do because they aren't the ones doing it. You go girl! Girl Power! (That's sad. I just quoted Spice Girls...)

[bitter-suite24.livejournal.com]

Margaret? I assume it's you. Hi and have fun in China!!

[lizphiz.livejournal.com]

I heard what you said about my eggs, bitch. :D

[lenozzedifigaro.livejournal.com]

I only speak the truuuuuuth!

[kromey.livejournal.com]

Good on you! It's hard to tell your parents to go stick it, but sometimes it's just gotta be done. Keep up the good work ;-) and have fun in China!

[bijoudesprit.livejournal.com]

Good on ya babe. Putting the whole foot down think. I find that my parents (Dad especially) slip right back to the way things were before I left... the usual- wait hand and foot, respect me til I'm on a pillar, when are you gonna get a job crap. *sigh* It's hard to get thru to them.